Loving someone who struggles with addiction can feel like living in a constant state of emotional whiplash.

One moment you’re hopeful.The next you’re bracing for disappointment.You love deeply… but you’re exhausted.

Many of the people I work with aren’t addicted themselves — they’re the ones trying to hold everything together around someone who is. Partners. Adult children. Parents. First responders’ spouses. The “strong one” in the family.

And over time, loving someone with addiction doesn’t just hurt...... it changes you.

When you love someone who uses substances, your nervous system learns to stay on high alert.

You may recognize yourself in some of these patterns:

• Constantly scanning for signs of relapse

• Overthinking everything they say or do

• Feeling responsible for their mood or sobriety

• Ignoring your own needs to keep the peace

• Living in cycles of hope, disappointment, and grief

• Feeling angry, ashamed, guilty… and still deeply loyal

Many people in relationships with addiction ask themselves:

But the truth is — you didn’t choose chaos.You chose connection.

You likely see the part of them that’s hurting, the part that’s good, the part that wants to be better. And you hold onto that version, even when it keeps disappearing.

For many adult children of alcoholics and trauma survivors, this pattern feels familiar. Loving someone unpredictable can feel strangely like home.

That doesn’t mean you’re broken.It means your nervous system learned how to survive.

One of the hardest truths in loving someone with addiction is this:

You can love them deeply and still need to protect yourself.

Boundaries aren’t punishments.They’re the line between compassion and self-abandonment.

And yet, so many people feel selfish, guilty, or cruel for wanting peace.

In therapy, we work on separating:

• Love from enabling

• Compassion from self-betrayal

• Responsibility from control

You are allowed to matter in the relationship.

Introducing My New Therapeutic Group:

Loving Someone With Addiction

Because I see this struggle so often in my practice, I’m now offering a therapy group for people who love someone struggling with addiction.

This group is for you if:

• You’re a partner, spouse, adult child, or family member of someone with substance use issues

• You feel emotionally exhausted, anxious, or stuck in cycles of hope and disappointment

• You want support without judgment

• You want to understand your patterns and start choosing yourself